Hidden Transparency

FRIENDS.

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 07:18:52 GMT

I had a serious talk with Joyce just a while ago about things that are very personal. I felt so much emotion while we were talking that I can't really show to the public so we just put it all out in words. We talked about everything until we came to the point that we talked about friendship.

(syet ang seryoso ng post ko ,naiiyak ako,gawin ko munang taglish)

When I was still young( di pwde ang term na small dahil small pa rin ako ngayon), i got used that I almost had the same classmates every year, and i mingle with the same faces as well. Though nung highschool, nawala ang mga kakompetensya at mga nerdy peeps, sa highschool e simula 1st year hanggang 4th year ay nasanay akong komportableng kasama ang mga lumang taong minahal ko na at nakasama na ng matagal.

Pero life goes on. Di dun tumitigil ang buhay, sinabi man ni Sharon Cuneta na High school life, high school life kay saya, dadating ang dadating ang panahon kelangan kong magcollege.

Takot na takot ako nun.

Naisip ko nga na wala na nga akong love life, e baka mamya, sa college e wala akong maging friends!syet!as in, naiimagine ko na ako ung batang tinuturing na auti sa isang canteen at inaapi ng popular girls.

Nanginginig ako sa takot. Ayokong bumaba ng van nung first day at tahimik ako sa classroom kaya siguro inisip ng madla na tahimik akong bata.

Hanggang sa ayan nga, i started to have one friend, then another, then another. Nabuo ang inches at nabuwag din.
Pero eto na.

Dumating ang regla. 15 taong iba-iba ang personalidad. 14 na taong di ko akalain na magiging pamilya ko sa college.

Kahapon umuwi akong mag-isa. 5:30 na nun.madilim.umuulan.mabigat ung dala ko. Gusto kong umiyak nun.
Kasi I felt so alone.

Pero kanina nung kausap ko si Joyce, naisip ko mali pala ung mindset ko. At narealize ko na dahil sa mga kaibigan ko, masaya ako. They really complement my completeness. Sila ung dahilan kung bakit araw-araw pa akong nakangiting gumigising.

Kaya, nagpapasalamat talaga ako, sa HS friends ko, sa Chrisannielle, sa Regla.

Di niyo lang alam, madami akong problema. Sa pamilya. Sa puso. Sa sarili ko.

Pero you guys make me feel that fighting through this complicated life is worthwhile.

Kaya.

SALAMAT.

.....

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 05:36:43 GMT

Back then, I never thought that falling out of love was possible without the guy being intentionally cruel just to break your heart.

But now I do realize that it is possible.

I guess time could really change a lot of things.

It could remove sentiments of the past or it could bring back all the pain when you least expect.

All I know now is that I am totally over you..

I may not yet be loving somebody else but at least I am free from this unrequited love that keeps on dragging me down.

That's it...IM FREE.

I HATE IT.

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 11:41:18 GMT

I HATE THE WAY I"M FEELING RIGHT NOW.

i feel so lazy.i feel so tired.i feel so angry.i feel so bad.i feel hatred. i feel angst flowing through my veins.

i don't know the reason behind these emotions.

oh crap.i haven't even studied for the quiz tom.

i just don't have the energy to do anything productive.

i just want to scream for the frustration i felt after taking the flame test.

to cry my heart out for all the pain and anger.

to stare in the dark for feeling lost at times.

to shout at my brother for wasting his life for all that lakwatsa bullshit and for always leaving us and treating our home as his dormitory.

to just....just....play numb so i won't do the things i listed before this.

i feel sick.

but what the heck.i need to study now.

goodbye.

heartbeat

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 17:47:10 GMT

flame test na bukas.

kinakabahan ako.

IM BACK....bwahahahahaha...

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 03:33:20 GMT

i have not been writing here for 5 weeks already...so i have decided i'll update again!!!!

hirap naman kse pag nakaupo lang ako sa sala at tulala...tpos bigla kong gustung gustung gustung magblog...
pag nasa tapat na ako ng pc..WALA NA AKONG MATYPE KSE ANDAMI!!!!

e ayoko naman ng magulong post kaya ....ayun....di na lang..

pero ngaun..di na ako papaawat!
matakot kayo!babalik ang kakornihan ko!bwahahahah!!!

ayun lang...wakekekeekekekeke....

........

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:04:57 GMT

i cried today, not because i missed him

or even wanted him,

but because i finally realized

that i am gonna be alright..

without him.

:'(

FRIENDS..<3

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 16:48:43 GMT

I JUST WANT MY FRIENDS, MY 1JRN2 ANG REGLA FAMILY TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT SHIFTING ANYMORE!!!!YEBAH!

you see, i went to UST last Friday, feeling too sleepy and nervous since i kept thinking about today's results.

i felt so paranoid as I walked inside the health service(since guidance and counseling office is on the 2nd floor of the building)thinking that the nurses could read my mind and they would be telling theirselves that.."hey..this girl wants to be one of us..but she's confused...poor girl!"

i looked for ate lalaine and she gave me the test in one of the vacant rooms. I took the test for about 15 minutes since i was just kept answering and answering..just depending on my impulse..

i gave her my test feeling so excited and crazy for the result but too bad..since i finished at aroung 11:30 am...i need to wait for the lunch break to be over...so i waited in tinoco park for one and a half hour without eating anything but just thinking and listening to music.

I tell you, words are not enough to describe my feeling at that time. It was as if I'm waiting for the result of an unexpected maternity test.haha!

so 1:15 came and i went back to see the results.

i scored 22 points on verbal expression.

i scored 20 points on bio research.

and i scored 17 points in accounting.

WHEW.

i still felt confused and drowsy for hours since ate lalaine said that i should not be deciding just because of the results. it still depends on how i see myself for the 10 years.

i may still not be sure since the picture i have in my mind is blurry...but i tell you..

i am happy that i am not shifting. my best bud even said that i fit in journalism. mukha daw akong masaya.

then after that, i went off to see my barkada to tell them the news..i wanted to hug them and cry!wahahaha...but i just made them laugh the whole day..just as i usually do.

we spend the whole day making a poster and baking a delicious beautiful chocolate cake for ourselves and for charlyn's post bday suprise!super busog at nagsawa kami sa chocolate!

di kasi namin nagawa un sa MOA nun sunday when char treated us to a lunch in Pierre One, 2 hours of nonstop karaoke and arcade playing in Timezone and finishing the day by taking pics by the bay and eating crepes in Crepes and Creme!YUMMY!

back to the baking slash art day,we had so much fun..coloring the poster like little kids..wiping chocolate syrup on our faces and arms..and doing the same wacky sutffs that we usually do together, di nga lang masyado,kse nandun ung gwapong pinsan ni tin2..ahahaha.

I HAD SO MUCH FUN!

hahaha..plus...charlyn was really so suprised when we went to her house at about 10 pm in the evening!aahahaha..hurrah for us..we went home feeling so exhausted yet content for the uber happy day!!

then at night, i went online and chatted with two of my best boy buds...i miss them a lot!

PARE...HEAVEN!!!!ahahaha...

hay..this tuesday...i'll be going to the dentist na...dandandandan...to be continued.

TRIP LANG.ahahaha..!

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 17:43:00 GMT

dahil ayaw ko muna ng emote post...at magkwento since kulang ako sa oras dhel past 1 am na at pinapatulog na ako,magpopost na lang ako ng kalokohan ko.

TOP 5 GUYS THAT I WANT TO MARRY SOMEDAY(kung sakaling maghimala man si God..ahaha)

1.si kuya-kuyahan - understood, labs ko un e.wahaha..

2.elijah wood- my number 1 hollywood crush

3. mark angelo conanan - walang pagnanasang kasama,haha...sadyang feel ko lang e tatawa ako buong buhay ko pag sya kasama ko.ahaha.isang kita ko lang sa kanya..nangingiti ako..ahaha.

4. phillip ian maverick yu layno- kapatid ni charchar.feel so comfortable around him.

5. eddrex "eddy" valenzuela- for vice internal!este....dahil..he's one of the nicest guy i ever met.

so there...pasensya..ako'y nagpapantansya lamang..dadagdagan ko pa to pag may oras na ako.ahahaa...kung may mkabasa man..secret na lang ha..shhhhh...

NANG CHUMORVAH ANG REGLA SA PANSOL, LAGUNA!

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 17:48:26 GMT

grabeh,ngayon ko narealize..mahirap magbalak ng lakad,lalo na sa mga nag-aasikaso talaga...parang kaboteng sumulpot ang mga problema..

pero close talaga kami ni God...natuloy ang lakad ng REGLA!
matapos magdala ng sandamakmak na gamit(samahan mo pa ng mga kalan at panluto na dala ni mami celest at madrastang cha) natuloy kami..

at dun na nagsimula ang roller coaster ride namin..yebah!
nagkita kita kami sa starbucks araneta... kami nila karchelle, arvin, nachi, dhea, celest, dharel, cha at apol laki. nakompleto kami mga 2 pm.taxi kagad papuntang hm transport para sumakay ng bus. grabeh,anduya nung taxi!100 pesos e super sandali lang namin ..wala pang 5 minutes...tpos sina celest,niligaw pa nung isang taxi!grabecious!so ayun...mga 3 hours na byahe..and nandun na kme sa laguna, usap muna sa jolibee, bili ng tuibg sa mercury tpos sakay na ng trike..na nagaaway ang mga driver dhel nag-agawan ng pasahero..nakakawindang sila...mura here..mura there..mura everywhere!hahaha!

maya-maya..dumating na kami sa harong ni charing..isa syang private hot spring pool..na may tila bahay kaming pinagstayan!ASTEEEGG!!!!!matured na talaga kme we really know how to handle ourselves without any adults around.so ayun....pagdating dun..e nagtatalon tlga ako sa tuwa..heheeh..ganda talaga e..ayoko pa tlgang magswimming pero binasa na nila ako..no choice..sa simula e hiyaan pa ng konti pero maya hala..naka bra na lang ang girls at topless ang boys..prang pamilya na tlga..we had dinner ng 7 pm..adobo,kanin at hotdog..ehehe..maya maya...paunahan na sa karaoke...pakornihan pa ng kanta!hahaha..lalo na ung Bitin si Honey by QUickie...mahalay!ahaha!masaya hehehe..nakakuha din ng 96 sa since you've been gone sa wakas..ngunit maya maya...Aegis na ang pinakanta sken..samahan nyo pa ng bar dance ko!ahahaha..nakakatawa tlga...maya maya..kumakanta na ako ng acapella..ehehehe..sa pool,sari-sariling trip-lusutan,kuhanan ng piso,floating at dog paddle lessons, languyan ng mag-irog,sirena swims, at taasan ng paa sa side ng pool na di ko magawa..ang nakakainis pa..DI TALAGA AKO NANGINGITIM!!!para daw akong labanos at mukha dw akong mumu sa terrace..wakekeke...pero ayus lang.the pool was so warm..samahan mo pa ng warmth ng friends..un yon eh..un ang finakamalufet!feeling that y ouare accepted for who you are by the people you love most.ehehe..

nagstay nga pala ako sa taas for a while, tumulala, umiyak at nag-isip.natuwa,nagtampo at natahimik.bumaba na ulet ako.

mga 3 am kami nagsimulang magsiligo..at 4 pm nagalmusal ng pansit canton,brad at hotdog by chef cha, karche and frustrated chef dharel...ehehehee..after nun...heart-to heart talkwith girls..kakaiyak..5 am..we were all in bed..trying to get some sleep pero..no choice..we need to go...huhuhuhu..lahat kme..antok,pagod at haggard..pero happy.

we took a looooonng jeep ride with the help of chiara papuntang pacita..tpos bus na ulet..kung saan e tulog kmeng lahat...paggising nmen,nsa manila na kme. grabeh..super..nakahang na mga utak namin..sari-sariling uwi at baba...
sa gateway na ako bumaba kasama si apol at karchelle...tpos ayun..pagsundo sken..kain sa van..tpos pag-uwi.tulog sabay ngiti ng matamis dahil sa masayang araw.

ANG SAYA TALAGA.pero sana,next time, nandun na si jicky,sam,lian at kate..para kumpleto.

GUYS, PRAY FOR ME. KINAKABAHAN AKO SA LAKAD KO MAMYA.

NOT SO ORDINARY DAYS

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 17:05:29 GMT

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)[?]

The Bottom Line

Take time to ponder questions about your career today. Is it time for a change?

In Detail

Your long-term career goals will be on your mind today. Are you on the right career track? Are you prepared to look for a new employer? Is it time to seek out additional training or education? These questions should be taken seriously -- but don't let them distract you from getting some important stuff done in the here and now. And be aware that the conclusions you come to today may change in the very near future.

I am starting to hate horoscopes in Friendster. Kasi naman eh,laging sapul! Do I really have to shift?damn...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
THAT MORNING, WHILE HE WAS CRYING IN MY ARMS, I FELT HIS PAIN AND BEFORE I NOTICED..I WAS CRYING TOO.

After getting my grades from UST, and spendin my very first time in Mall of Asia with Celest, Dharel, Nachi,Gerhard and Angie,and having so much fun, eating, walking, bookstore hopping and a taxi trip while eating doughnuts, i went home having a wound on my ankle and feeling sleepy yet very happy at the same time.
I woke up hearing the voice of Tony Gonzaga ; it was already PBB. So after finishing the remaining shows of Primetime Bida, I decided to watch Koren movies to kill time. I so wanted to watch love stories but I watched Mapado since I can't understand the language on the cover of the DVD.
It was a very funny movie and after that, I proceeded to watch My Sassy Girl 'coz I wanted to feel giddy during the wee hours of the morning.

But I ended up staring at the movie as tears started to come out from my eyes.

Then my brother came down and sat at the sofa at the back part of the living room while I was just inches away from the TV.
He's not speaking at all and I really wondered why. Then there was that part of the movie where the couple celebrated their 100th day together, and that's when he started to speak.
"100th day namin ng Are Grace mo kahapon."
"Ay talaga?Anung ginawa nyo?"
"Ayun..sbay kmeng nagbreakfast."
"Waw!"
"Kaso..wala eh..may iba nang bf si Ate Grace mo"
(lumingon na ako) "Di nga" HUg.....(I walked towards him and hugged him)
"Nakakainis ka..i hate you...(umiiyak na sya)
(umiyak na din ako)

It really hurts when you're the only one who's investing all the love in a relationship. It's unfair..yet it usually happens.
Really, one walks alone to the ruins of the heart. I hope he'll be back from Baguio with a smile on his face. I hate seeing my brothers cry.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I was awake 'till 6 am, I just kept writing anything and staring anywhere. I felt lost, weak and tired. So I just slept with tears dried up on my face. Then I woke up at 5:30 in the afternoon, feeling that I am back in the past, back to the sad lonely nights when all I wanted to do was to cry.

And I am still feeling the same thing until now.

HAPPY NEVER AFTER TURNED OUT TO BE HAPPILEY EVER AFTER,AFTER ALL...

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 18:51:36 GMT

My brother Noel and I watched an animated movie entitled"Happily Never After" this evening. Thinking that it was very hilarious since it was also created by the people who did Shrek and other animated movies, we decided on watching the flick.

Yet the movie turned out to be a not-so- funny movie, but the good part is..the movie left me with two very important lessons.

FIRST, THAT OH-SO-HANDSOME, OH-SO-SEEMED-SO-SMART AND OH-SO-BUFF GUY MAY NOT BE THAT PRINCE THAT YOU COULD HAPPILY END UP WITH.
In that movie, Cinderella, which was just Ella by the way, who was so inlove with a prince she hardly knew; he was just that painting that Ella stares at everyday. She thinks she's he's the perfect guy for her; someone who's labeled as prince, rides on a very handsome horse, owns that noble sword and lives in that wonderful castle. While all along, there was Rick, who was just a dishwasher though he loved Ella as the real her, wearing that maid outfit and without all the magic that the fairy godmother had given her. He loved her without that beautiful dress and that pumpkin carousel and all. In in the end, the evil step mother tried to ruin Ella's life by not allowing her to marry the prince when in fact, she did Ella a favor; she realized that Rick was the guy for her and they created their own happily ever after.

Somehow, the movie could be a reflection of the lives of most girls and women. We tend to look too far for that person that we think is perfect for us; someone who's handsome, cool, has a very nice body, intelligent, very kind,good and sweet, gives you everything you want and never gets angry with you. WELL HELLO!Stop looking for Mr. Impossible or Mr. Perfect because he doesn't exist!Instead, why not try to look just around you, or even just beside you. Try to see who could be that "real" prince who would really sweep you off your feet by just being his true self. Look beneath that goofy friend of yours, someone you are comfortable with and try to see if you sparks would fly, or even try meeting other people, or getting close to that geeky seatmate of yours and in time, you'd realize that behind those specs are two beautiful eyes that you could stare at forever.

You see, you don't need to go to magic land or you don't need your own fairy tale just to spot your prince. Because if you do, you might not notice that he's been there for you all along, waiting for you to see that it was just him, who could give you the love you always wanted.

SECOND, WHAT SEEMS TO BE A HAPPY ENDING MAY NOT REALLY BE THAT "HAPPY ENDING" AFTER ALL.

Happy ending is always paired up with getting the perfect guy in just a snap, getting rich, being beautiful and having no problems as if everything in your life just fell perfectly into place. Well for me, that isn't a happy ending. It's B-O-R-I-N-G. Yes, it's boring. Imagine if you are Cinderella, you just have to go to that party, helped by a fairy godmother who came out of nowhere, then the prince will dance with you, and just with that...you'd be in love with each other, you'd get married and then..what's next?NOTHING. JUST THE WORDS HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Well, it may be just a story or maybe i am just bitter about my life or what but..it's just too boring for me. Life is about excitement, challenges and suprises which adds more color to our existence.
And as you can see through the story, ending up with the prince and living in the castle was not the happy ending..life's too boring to just end there. We just don't notice that there's a different happy ending that's better for us.

Well, nuff said. I don't know gow to end this entry anymore. Basta...PERFECTION may not always be the best for you. Somehow, somewhere, there is a brighter part of your life that you would soon notice....and you'd be very happy that saw it before you choose that happy ending that everybody wants for you.

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER..

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 13:46:04 GMT

last night was Apul Laki's debut. I was there when I should be with my bro and mom for the exhibit of our Gran Dolor in Lourdes Church but I already said yes to her so I had to go there all by myself..We, the Regla family had a lot of fun..and I'm sure Apul had the greatest time of her life...though..just like every party...time just flies so fast..

I was actually not feeling very well last night, I felt like i was having a fever and I had my "monthly visitor" ...but I didn't want to be a KJ so we just danced the night away and had fun like there was no tomorrow.

minutes passed and we just realize that we were the only people on the dance floor..so we went out and my phone beeped.

it was a text from HIM.
what tym ka uwi?what tym ka namin suduin ni mama.txtback, hintay ni mama reply mo.

HUWAAAAATT???!!!
just as i remembered..he just came from work and he went to our exhibit!that was why i was a bit sad at the party...ahahaha..

so before i knew it..he was already in the venue together with my mom..poor him..he looked too tired..but still..he smelled and looked good for me..ehehehe..langyang pag-ibig o..

the taxi ride was fast..and then..we were in or house.i was still in my gown while he was sitting on our rocking chair..

i should never waste a moment..

ICECREAMM!!!!may ice cream!!!

so i just got him some ice cream..my fave...syet ang hirap magscoop kse matigas...pero it was all worth it coz he loved it..

after that and drinking water..he transferred to the sofa and i sat beside him..

uyy..wala ka pa palang kopya nung pictures mo nun bday ko!

ayy oo nga!wala atang tatalo dun!patingin!

bluetooth ko na lang..

patingin muna bago mo isend..

(kuha celpone,hanap ng pics) ayan o...

syeett...waww...ang gwapo!grabe..pinakagwapo!!!

grabbeeehh..ang hanginnnn....o ano..send ko na.lahat?

hindi..syempre..ung pinakgwapo lang ako..

(sending..natapos isang pic.)

aywala na...lowbatt na...

ayy..sayang...di bale...mag-eemail na lang ako..(khet sira email smen..sie lalabas ako)

sige ha..lalagay ko to sa friendster..

ngek..putulin mo na lang ako...kasama ako eh..

sus..bat ko puputulin..

(ngiting ng kilig na patago)

teka ..charge natin fone mo..

sige sige..

(akyat ako.nakagown pa rin..baba ulet..dala ungcharger..)

*sa tapat ng tv na saksakan...ichcharge ko fone nya...biglang..*

apol,mis na kita. (sbay tingin sken ng 2 matang super di ko makakalimutan ever)

(ako,nagshake ung hands na medyo nashock sa sinabi nya at napatingin nalang pabalik)

ayy,ako din..mis na kita..(e putek..di mo lang alam..aral aral ko iniisip un..na mis kita!)punta ka na lang dito madalas pag di ka na busy..

ngiti..

istead na yakapin sya e...umupo na lang ako sa tabi nya..wuuu..syempre..dalagang filipina ata to..

after a few minutes..he left already...he was like cinderella...leaving at 12 o'clock midnight...

and i was like the prince..left with those words that made my night...

though i didn't hear those three magical words that everyone dreamt of hearing from the person they love, what he told me tonight was enough for me.

coz after all the days of missing him and thinking that the closeness we had is coming to an end..i know that i was wrong to think of that..

because he misses me..maybe not just like the way i do..but he still does..

though we just haven't seen each other for just like a week..he misses me..

it might be too shallow for other people..but still..it would make me feel giddy everyday.

.....

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 12:11:36 GMT

may tanong ako...

ikaw ba...

makakapagsalita ka pa ba...

ng mahinahon..

o kahit isang salita lang..

kung...

sinampal ka ng kuya mo?

*iyak*

AKALA KO..

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 17:42:52 GMT

since tulad ng karamihang 1jrn2 ...isa rin akong official bum this summer..
gigising ng mga 11 am..
kakain ng pandesal.
manunuod ng tv...
magtetext...
kakain..
maliligo..
magnanap.
gigising..
kakain..
manunuod ng primetime bida..
magtotoothbrush at maghihilamos..
magppc..
tpos matutulog..

and im tired of doing the same things everyday..
though nasisinggitan minsan ng malling sa sm north or gateway..e halos walang epekto..

balik tuloy ako sa iyakin at emotional na ako.

kanina..nanunuod ako ng maging sino ka man..
kausap ni eli ung kapatid nya nsa mental..
naglalabas si eli ng mga hinanakit nya sa nakaraan..
na di niya makalimutan..
anung ginagawa ng kapatid nya?
binigyan siya ng dahon..
at sabi nya..prang ganito..
"ikaw...prang kang dahon..tulad niyan..wag kang babagsak sa lupa..
lumipad ka..lumipad ka..:"

di ko napigilan ung luha ko.ngayon lang ulit ako umiyak matapos ang 4 na buwan.

nakita ko ung sarili ko.
at sa mga minutong un...dinasal ko na sana ..dahon na lang ako..
kasi ngayon..di ko na kayang lumipad.kahit anong pagpapanggap ko.
d pa rin ako matatag.ngiti ako ng ngiti..pero sa likod ng masayahing ako..ay isang apple na patuloy na nasasaktan.
isang apple na umiiyak sa dilim..
isang apple na pagod, na tulad ng dahon..gusto na lang magpadala sa hangin.
isan apol na walang lakas para ihayag ang nararamdaman niya, wala nang maihaharap na ngiti at wala na ring iluluha.
isa akong taong tulad ng dahon..na di sa kalaunan ay babagsak din sa lupa.

ngunit pagkatapos nun..ay muling aasang lilipad.patungo sa nararapat niyang kalugaran.

WUSUS.

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 17:56:52 GMT

kakatapos lng ng chat withe my everdearest highschool friends...annie,nikos,mark,elle,char and kenan.I SUPER MISS THEM!!!
the last time i saw then was february pa...
I SUPER dUPER MISS THEM!!!!!
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kakagaling lang namin sa JOURNOLYMPICS KAHAPON!!!cheered for my volleyball friends..kasama si joyce at momi celest(grabeh nakakatrauma ung place!)...
galing nila!!!YEBAH!!!haha..cha was good..i didnt know that..sunod si karche..bjorn andf lian...tpos si dharel....ayyy..di kasi graded..we understand!hekhek..

matapos nun eh..humiga kme sa field sa tabi nun...SYET ANSARAP!!!!!!PUTEK FIRST TIME KO!!!!!!hahahaha...sumulpot din sio kuya zaldy...wusus!!!!may sinusundan kse...hekhek...hanggang gabi kme sa field..before the sunset...nagtakbuhan at habulan kme..umupo ako..di dahil burot ako kundi pnagtitripan ako..weird daw kao tumakbo.huhuhu....tpos kumuha ng "journ" food sa madilim na court matapos ag lahat...we stayed togther til 8 pM!!tpos sumulpot ung journ offivers..binigay smen ung sobrang food..na pinamigay nmen sa peeps sa kalye..SaRAP NG FEELING!!!

it's so great to know that though i haven't found special person for me..
GOD gave me true friends,both high school and college friends, who had made up a very big part of me.
and because of them,i am very happy with my life. i am so grateful..
that because of them..i was, i am, and i will ever be lonely..
because they were my past,they are my present..and they will be my future partners in life..
I LOVE THEM.VERY MUCH.

SLEEP, EAT...and still feel bad..

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 16:46:58 GMT

this morning.i just really can't believe that i woke up at 9 am and i don't have to do anything but spend time with my bros and watch tv while i haven't done for weeks!
grabeh...ung mga kanta sa daily top ten..dami kong di na alam ...di tulad dati..kakalabas lang nung kanta..kinakanta ko na sa bahay mag-isa!ahahahaha!
2 times akong natulog at nagising.
matapos nun eh pedicure na!sakit na kasi ng ingrown ko...huhuhuhu..
foolish me..bumili na naman ako ng crinkles after sa pedi...e may nangyari na nun.
na i puked after i ate crinkles..
GOODYE CRINKLES.. i knew i loved you before i ate you...huhuhu..
may bawal sgiurong ingredient sakin dun..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
been missing a lot of people lately..nakakaloka.
hs friends.
college friends.
at kung sino p dyan...
wala lang..kung kelan walang ginagawa..tsak konti ang katext...kung kelan may pasok,.text ako ng text..huhuhu..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
daming plans this summer...at gagawa na din ako ng list..
1)watch journolympics tom..naku..makikita ko na naman si firefly..pero syempre..GO 1JRN2!!
2)go to apul laki's debut!
3)have outings!
-with my hs friends chrisannielle...moa at baguio!
-with regla sa tagaytay!
-with family sa...bahay?!hahahaha...ewan ko pa!
4)SOUL: SEARCHING
5)diet diet ..diet!!!
6)summer job..ung pwde un height ko ha.
7)magbadminton!yebeh!!!
8)kip in touch with people that i love..
9) if..it would feel right..I"LL TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM...ONE SUMMER DAY...<3
10)improve my fashion..:Dsana...

hope...i could do all this things..i'll update you guys kung ano na ang latest...hahahaha..

grant my last request and just let me hold you..

SENTIHAN SA ARENEOW

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 01:38:08 GMT

i got my english paper last night..i twas already critiqued and i am so happy with it.thanks to HIM, helped me look for a good CAS.

but i never knew that this happiness would be paired up will a feeling of loneliness.

you see, my parents and I went to Ateneo to get my papers from HIM since he was the one who helped me have a CAS for my badtrip na paper.

we arrived there at about 7:30 in the evening..haven't seen him in days so when i saw him..though he looked tired and sleepy...
i still wanted to stare at him or hug him..tightly...but i couldn't...

putek ..it just feels so right when you see the person that you think about everyday.

so ayun, i was the first one who walked out of the car and i walked with him..
nakakatuwa the way he runs when he was guiding my father kung saan magpapark.

so ayun..we walked together to his office..haha..ang ganda tlga ng ateneo pag gabi..tpos ksama mo pa sya.PERFECT.

so ayun..ganda ng office nya..nakakatakot nga lang..

i just kept talking and looking at him..haha.obvious bah?
and my dad kept on dropping hints of me..liking HIM.kalurkei.

tipong "kamukha mo si robert ...sbe ni apple.." at "syempre.ganyan nya kalove ang kuya marlon nya"

pahamak na tatay.

so ..he was to go home alone.but my dad saw a ghost...daw. e kasi sementeryo pala likod nung office...e matatakutin un...so he decided na sumabay smen..

sandaling moment sa car...after non...binaba na namin sya sa sakayan... :(

grabe..i'll miss him again..

it's just so hard for me that i still feel that i'm loving in a way that i can't let go anymore..
even if my mind wants to..

my heart just can't...because it can't fool me..i love him..really.with a love that i can't kill..
ika nga ni nachi"ngaun ka lang di nagive up ah"..
because..loving him was not a choice...it's as natural as breathing...it's so real.

so when i was left at the backseat of the van..

i just prayed..that if this love would lead me to nowhere..i hope it would just soon fade away..
but if it's really meant to be..then I'll just go where this love would lead to..

and i hope...it would lead me to HIM.

AND NOW...THE END!THANK YOU...THANK YOU!!!

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 07:38:47 GMT

AFTER PASSING TOM.PAPER IN ENGLISH....

OUR FIRST YEAR COLLEGE LIFE IS FORMALLY OVER!!!

HURRAAAHH FOR US!!!!

after all the nagaadjust-pa-lang-ako..the shit-saang-bldg-ba-un moments..and the omg-di-pa-ako-natutulog nights...

finally...WE COULD HAVE THE TIME TO SLEEP ANYTIME ANDFOR SOUL SEARCHING!!!!

putek.ang saya..ang saya saya...after thinking of my first days.of having crushes on guys and ehem..badtrip..gays..
ung nakakanerbiyos na pagstay sa klase...na naging most happy days ko na dahil sa 1JRN2 especially sa REGLA!

I LOVE REGLA FAMILY!

now, i am finally feeling at home in UST.woohooo...galing tlga ni God..he put me in a school where i could still feel loved.
though di ko pa sure..bka magshift ako.at sna di naman magsummer....i still am so happy..

at handang sumabak sa mga susunod na mga taon!AJA AJA!

HELLO SUMMER!HELLO NEW LIFE!hahaha!

maraming pwdeng mangyari sken ngaun summer..
una.braces.
pangalawa.new room at gadget.
pangatlo.mas palabang ako.

hehehe...BASTA..I'LL KEEP MOVING ON!WOOHOOO!!!

ang gulo na ng post ko..ahahah!

HARRY POTTER of the JEEPNEY,BADTRIP NA LOGIC and many more...

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 05:02:48 GMT

had two of my final exams today and i was really worried and pissed off..!!!

SOCIO was okay despite of the confusing questions and the way that mam gamo's face would flash in your mind every now and then...

the worse or maybe the worst part is LOGiC!!!!
pare at mare..wala akong naaral kundi super scan at ung tautologous chuvah!!!!GRAaHHH!!!
AYOKONG MAGSUMMEEERR!!!!i dont know if i should ask sir vasco for a special project or what.,..
natatakot na ako!!!

so after that...i was just too quiet and badtrip to laugh with my also pissed off friends!!!
i was just really hoping i would find my reg form sa locker..
nawawala kasi at kelangan ko ng copy pra matake ko ung online quiz namin sa eco.
but then...naghalungkat na ako at..WWAALLLLAAAAA SIYA!!!!!
so i had to go to the main bldg para kumuha ng duplicate..

so this is where the good things began to happen..
di na ako pumila at di na din ako kumuha ng duplicate..
coz all i needed was the invoice number.at pwde pala un ipagtanong dun..
so ayun,,
i just helped karche sa work chuvaness nya.
after nun eh.. pinasaya ko na lang ang sarili ko sa zagu na mocha flavor..
and then..

naglakad ako...tumawid ...at sumakay sa jeep..
patingin ko..4 lang kme..isang babaeng nakapurple..
isang student ng capitol school..
at isang tall guy, na tila science guy..naka salamin..prang taga ust.
sya ung katabi ko kanina..
tpos eh,,maharot ung jeep.
preno ng preno..
tpos tipong napapatagilid na siya kasi nga..maluwag ung jeep di ba..
tpos maya maya..super preno..
dumulas kme dalawa pasideways..
tpos...HE FLASHED ME THAT SUPER NICE MAKALAGLAG TOOOOT NA SMILE!!!
wahaha..kamukha nya si harry potter na di naman masyado na ewan..
bsta...tpos he chuckled...tpos e di i smiled and giggled back..
tae...KILIG MOMENT kahit sabihin mong super sa babaw...
tpos he glanced ad glanced..and smiled ulet..
wahahaha..ANKYUT NYA..graaaahhH!!!
wala lang..ehehehehehe...

mukha tuloy akong timang na ngingisi-ngisi haban naglalakad pauwi!!
wahahaha..pag-uwi ko...both of my brothers were there...
tpos they were watching conan o' brien and my crush hugh jackman was the guest!!!!
tpos paglipat ko sa mtv...7 black roses ung video!!!MIGUEL CHAVEZ!!!!!

really...God find ways para di ako masyadong mabadtrip..
hayy..kasalanan ko naman kasi eh..di ako nag-aaral kagad..
AYOKO NA!!!
mamya..mag-aaral na ako..pero tulog muna ako..

waahhhh..cannot forget that super nice smile..:)

hayy..paextra..i got this from momi celest pasagot pra masaya..ehehee

1. Are we friends?
2. When and how did we meet?
3. How have I affected you?
4. What do you think of me?
5. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
6. How long do you think we will be friends?
7. Do you love me?
8. Do you have a crush on me?
9. Would you kiss me?
10. Would you hug me?
11. Physically, what stands out?
12. Emotionally, what stands out?
13. Do you wish I was cooler?
14. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
15. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
16. Am I loveable?
17. How long have you known me?
18. Describe me in one word.
19. What was your first impression?
20. Do you still think that way about me now?
21. What do you think my weakness is?
22. Do you think I'll get married?
23. What makes me happy?
24. What makes me sad?
25. What reminds you of me?
26. If you could give me anything what would it be?
27. How well do you know me?
28. When's the last time you saw me?
29. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
30. Do you think I could kill someone?
31. Do you miss me?
32. Do you think I miss you?
33. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

yipiyaeeee....sana wala na lang logic..para okei n okei ako..huhuhu...

[Unknown LJ tag]

BAKIT..

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 12:22:17 GMT

.
kung kelan mag-eexams na..

kung kelan patapos na ang requirements...

e sumasabay...

itong kalungkutan na hindi ko alam kung saan nagmumula..

sabihin mo nga..

BAKIT?

BASAG BASAG NA IDEYA

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 14:19:22 GMT

ngayon lang ata ulit ako nagjeep pauwi na di ako nakikinig ng music.siguro dahil,gusto kong marinig na lang ang ingay ng mundo dahil ayoko nang maisip ang mga bagay na nasa utak ko.iba-iba talaga kasi..hay.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
we were finally done with our SIEGE newsletter for JOURN!nagcut kami ng 2 klase kahapon for that!at wheww..it turned our very well!!though may erratum..ayus lang...GUSTO NAMING HALIKAN UN PAPEL!
nangarap kaming apat na balang araw..ipagpapatuloy namin yan..tatalunin namin ang pdi ...at di ba..ang sarap mabasa ang history ng siege nationwide paper balang araw?na nagsimula un sa first major paper namin sa college!YEABAH!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
nakakainis na ung ENGLISH...imagine..we have experienced sleepless nights and we have to cut class for the fucking paper and all we get from him are the words"i am so stressed and tired" KAPAL NG MUKHA MO!tingin mo ba mas naghihirap ka kesa samin?putastarinabox...WALA KANG GINAWA KUNDI PUMIRMA!balang araw..puputulan kita ng dila.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
konti na lang na requirements...at mas malaking FINALS na ang haharapin namin..

*print out at cd ng cwg report
*eratum ng journ
*fuckshit na english
*pag-aayos ng socio paper

WHEW!!konti na lang.

nabadtrip ang twin ko kanina.dahil sa subjects. nababadtrip din ako pag nababdtrip siya.pakiramdam ko,magkarugtong tlga kami e.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
di ko alam kung anong lakad ko bukas.ang sakit ng katawan ko ngayon.gusto kong matulog pero di ko magawa dahil di pa dumadating ung load ko..badtrip tlga...i am finally going to meet HIM again...bukas..for the english paper.hay.prang ngayon ko lang sya makikita..kinakabahan ako.prang ewan.pero may isa pa akong lakad bukas...magrerebyu kami ng ibang regla ...ANONG UUNAHIN KO!!!WAAAHH!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
di ko pa natatake ung career test sa guidance.di ko tuloy alam...kung magshishift pa ako.hay.leaving 1JRN2 is like leaving a big part of me in AB.and this thought pa lang.it makes me sooo sad.i'm serious.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i got 3.29 as my pe grade..kinakabahan ako.kanina,nakita kong umiiyak si ayel,ung pe mate ko.i see myself in her. ganun ako dati..mahilig akong umiyak.mas malala ako sa kanya noon.ako,kahit quiz lang,basta bagsak,iiiyakan ko.hanggang ngaun,nakikita ko pa rin ang sarili ko sa knya...un nga lang..sa loob na lang ako umiiyak. though i miss my tears..it would be painful for me to cry again...to know that i am still that weak person that i had been before...

syet..naiiyak na ako.

LALALALALAAAAA......

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:20:44 GMT

yan ata ang paborito kong sound effect ngayon.kkaiba yan.di ko din alam kung san ko nakuha.kung gusto mong marinig ang cute na version..halika at paparinig ko sayo..

grabeh..ang bilis ng panahon...kahapon lan..nandito si Arvin,

advancedmamalia,Nachi, aburuguy, at dha,dharelpenitente sa bahay namin simula nung friday. sa kasawiang palad ay wala si sam,imsugarlesslady dahil nakatulog sya sa bahay nila til 8 pm..

so ayun nga nga..mga past 8 ay nandito na kaming apat..sus...ayun..di kami nakapaglayout..ehehehe...ang nagawa namin ay gumawa ng artik at plans lang..hayy..nakakalurkei..basta..may goal schedule na kami..sana magawa namin..

hahaha..pakiramdam ko..kapatid ko silang apat ng araw na yun..angsaya tlga ng bonding moments!kahit hell ang paggawa ng paper..wahehehe..kinabukasan..as usual ay si dadi ang hulin bumangon sa kama!nyahhha...mga past 3pm.we're off to ust para maghanap ng sad republic...at bago pa ako mapadpad sa library mula sa tambayan nila mommy at nanunuod ng fountains..

papunta ng library...ay magtumawag ng aking pangalan...sus nga naman...saturday na nga lang....susulpot sya..

si FIREFLY.

at nakakaloko talaga.sabay pa ata kaming pinanganak.

wala lang.

tapos,palabas ng lib ay nakita namin si internal.

ok.ayoko na. ayoko nang magrant ng magrant ng magrant.grah.

baka huling lj na ito hanggang sa finals.

dahil madami pang gagawin..

*journ newsletter
*cwg report
*english paper ekek
*socio group paper
*lit book review
*FINALS!

hayyy...GOODLUCK!!!!

pagktapos ng lahat ng ito..TAGAYTAY NA!!!!WOOOPPPIIEEE!!!!

NAPAISIP..

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 14:17:52 GMT

as usual,tila gumagana ng sabay ang utak ng 1jrn2 kaya magpopost na din ako tungkol kay Sir ferdie. Sa lahat ng homosexual na nakilala ko,siya na ang pinakakagalang-kagalang.Alam kasi niya kung ano ang mga sinasabi niya.And he's never ashamed of what he is and whatever he says.Napakagaling nya.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOVE.love for the nth time,yan ang topic namin sa LIT102 ngayon,at as usual,kakaibang anggulo na naman ng napakaigsi ngunit napakacomplikadong salita na LOVE.

LOVE for TONIGHT: love of sacrifice ( o di ba sapul)

The thought was introduced by the story "the wedding dance" in which a woman sacrificed herself for love and after she was hurt and lost, she found herself again in the most lonely and difficult situation.

PAG-IBIG.LOVE.sa karamihan,nagsasabi na masaya yan.na it's magical and everythang pero, hindi yan sa lahat ng oras ay ganyan.

Siguro naman, alam mo ung love na ung tipong binigay mo ang lahat.Dati pagmamahal mo lang,ngayon pati pagkatao mo.
Pero ang tanong,karapat-dapat ba talagang ibigay mo ang sarili mo ng buong-buo...at ang tanong..buo ka nga ba talaga?

If you are broken, how could you make someone else whole?If you are incomplete, how could you complete the one you love?
How could you love others if you don't even know how to love yourself?

YAn ang mga seryosong tanong ng buhay. Masasagot mo ba?Kaya kung ako sayo,mag-isip ka muna bago ka magmahal. Love works in both ways, and love starts from you. Love yourself first before others. Learn to appreaciate who you are. Know your worth. Mag-isip at damhin ng mabuti ang puso bago ka magdesisyon magmahal, kasi baka kung kelan sobrang nasaktan ka na, don ka lang magsisi at mapapaisip.

I really hope i could apply what we learned in lit. Sana talaga.

CONFUSIONS.

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 12:23:35 GMT

We went to Philippine Daily Inquirer Office today in Makati.

I was so sad for the first feeling that I had when we entered the place.

I felt so small.I was intimidated.I was so damn wishing i would feel at home but i didn't.

I guess, my self-esteem is really that low. I think I can't handle a job of being a journalist. A work that is full of responsibilities and pressure.

I was really confused. Is this the path that i should really take?I feel so lost, so weak in a situation that needs risks and courage.

I hope I could bring myself together.

I really really want to make my dreams come true.but i don't know how.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To my ever dearest half sister,

Don't worry about me. Go on. Wag magback out dahil di ko na itutuloy ung akin.nyahahaha.habang maaga pa..aagapan ko na.uupakan kita pag umatras ka.

Lablats, your polite half sister.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really have decided.I'LL BACKOUT ON YOU. Thanks for always making me happy. nyaknyaknyak.ang drama!hahaha!!!

Anyways...i have a very good news and a very bad news!!!

VERY GOOD NEWS:
GAWA NA ANG PHONE NG BEST SISTER KO!!!I MISSED HER SO MATS!!!!!we could talk again everyday after 2 months!hay!!

VERY BAD NEWS:
i lost the necklace that my dad gave to me and my bracelet that my very good guy friend gave to me..
i want to cry again..asan na ba ung mga un?!?!huhuhuhu...

GUYS,PAISIP NAMAN NG DALAWANG NAME FOR 2 MALE DOGS!!!!

YEBAH!

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 03:23:30 GMT

YIPPEE!!kakagising ko lang at masaya ang gising ko dahil...

a)walang first subject!!!wala ang nakakalokang logic!!!
b)binigyan ako ni papa ng pambayad ng ab shirt!di ko na kelangang bawasan ang ipon ko!!!
c)sadyang maganda lang ang gising ko!ewan ko kung bakit!!!!

hayy..after 4 days..umuwi na din ang kuya ko galing marikina!salamaters!namiss ko talaga siya..
bakit siya nandun?ganito kasi un..di sya nagbakasyon or anything.
simula pagkabata kasi ay mahilig na sya sa saints!
e may nakilala sya na parang ganun din..
so nagchurch hopping sila dun!haha!
may pinakita din sya saki na image ni st.anthony -un ung image na buhat nya ung baby Jesus..at detachable ung baby jesus.
sbe niya..magwish daw ako dun..at pag ginawa ko un..tanggalin ko daw ung Jesus..
hangga't di daw natutuloy ung wish..dapat di daw ibalik si Jesus..

ito ang dialogue namin..

APPLE:gusto mong matagal mawala si Jesus?
KUYA:pano?
APPLE:ako ang magwiwish!
KUYA:ano namang iwiwish mo?
APPLE:alam mo na un!in years pa bago mabalik si JEsus dyan!o baka lola na ako..wala pa rin yan dyan!
KUYA:gaga.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
madami akong ikinatutuwa na maalala na nangyari nung linggo!hahaha!una..
may libre palang video ng a promise ung regalo saking cd ng chicosci!I LOVE MIGUEL CHAVEZ!
maay bago din kaming 2 cute na tuta!!!!takte..kamukha nung 2 male dogs din namin dati!!!ANKYUT!!!
kaso wala pa silang names!may masusuggest ba kayo???PLEASE!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
di pa masyadong okei sakin ang pbb ngaun..mraming maarte at spoiled brat basta nakkainis.
NEL-parang silahis na ewan
WENDY-poor daw pero ang arte
GEE-AN-spoiled brat.prang autistic dhel sabihin ba namang nagsasalita ung doll nya!
PAMELA-napakaactive nya!grabeh!
EZEKIEL-sam milby stage 1
SAICY-ewan..di ko din sya trip eh...

ang okei lang sken ay si mickey,robert at ung chinita...
hahaha.mabait si mickey at si chinita girl.
gwapo si robert..kaso ...narealize ko..may....kahawig sya...*sniff sniff*

YEBAH!
wala lang..trip ko lang sabihin...

Hidden Transparency

FRIENDS.

.....

I HATE IT.

*heartbeat*

IM BACK....bwahahahahaha...

........

FRIENDS..<3

TRIP LANG.ahahaha..!

NANG CHUMORVAH ANG REGLA SA PANSOL, LAGUNA!

NOT SO ORDINARY DAYS

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)[?]

The Bottom Line

In Detail

HAPPY NEVER AFTER TURNED OUT TO BE HAPPILEY EVER AFTER,AFTER ALL...

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER..

.....

AKALA KO..

WUSUS.

SLEEP, EAT...and still feel bad..

SENTIHAN SA ARENEOW

AND NOW...THE END!THANK YOU...THANK YOU!!!

HARRY POTTER of the JEEPNEY,BADTRIP NA LOGIC and many more...

BAKIT..

BASAG BASAG NA IDEYA

LALALALALAAAAA......

NAPAISIP..

CONFUSIONS.

YEBAH!

heartbeat